moving

I'm about to die,
10mm away from it.

Holga

I love Holga.

Holga makes me surprised, i realize i could do so much with Holga camera.


Today's dark room made me so frustrate. I feel like forgetting all the technique i learned in the past, and prof. didn't try much effort to explain, not productive. I had three rolls of film prepared, time was so limited...

flowers

I finally saw cherry blossom at Botanic Garden, it was pretty, especially with the sunset.

I face the sun, feel the spring breeze, it was a lovely day.

photo shooting night

Haha, don't laugh, it was my photo shooting day.

Because of my dark room class at ICP, i want to prepare enough negatives before class,  so I chose my first project - Time Square at night.

YJ kindly joined me, and it was fun to have him with me.

Before meeting yj, i went to B&H, bought 4 rolls of film with different ISO, brought two different lens (28mm, and 90mm), and my new Holga camera, put into my backpack, wore the jacket, fully prepared, ready to go!

Time Square,  night light makes me dizzy, a boy was shouting on the street, "Obama condom, Obama condom...", i looked at him, smiled and admired his enthusiasm, and i offered to take a picture of him, it was a good starting point for me.

After Time Square, we walked to Bryant park, I started to get really involved into the state of as a photographer. Every ordinary daily object became lovely; trash bags lining on the street, street light with trees of the green leaves, empty benches on the sidewalks...

One scene came up to my head, the movie Amator by Krzysztof Kieslowski where the main actor was obsessed with filming at one time, and when he fought his wife, he crossed his finger and trying to frame the leaving scene of his wife... and i guess it was me at that moment, hehe, totally obsessed with every single object i saw under of dizzy night light. 

I guess no matter what the result is, my enthusiasm, energy was enough. 

Isn't that all as an artist?! 

Here are some my favorite pic taken by YJ, i have to say, he has a unique way of looking at the world, and he will be a great director someday.haha.

(And, of course, mine will come up soon...)

two on one

This is interesting.
I was trying double exposure, and i didn't mean to put these two parts together, but the result is unexpected.
I should also try it with black and white film.

By the way, that picture is me and Evan, in front of my front desk. We took awhile ago, and it is autographed by both of us (so we can sell it when we both famous someday, an old kids joke), and Evan wrote underneath the image " ahead of the curves"...

raining

and today, it is raining.

I had my first dark room class after 4 years

it was still fun

pear tree

This is pear tree.

Everyday, on my way to work, on 25th street between 8th Ave and 11th Ave, lined with pear tree. April is the time for pear flower to bloom, it is as white as snow, very beauta-ful~

random question

(Artist: Lisa Yuskavage)

This was the only painting i like from last show at David Zwirner. I haven't seen a good show for a long time, i hardly get excited from a certain exhibition or a particular artist.

Is it just me?

Today i was reading the Dairy of Frida Kahlo, when i saw her water color drawing, with her writing, many years have past, those passionate drawings and words on the printed paper still touch my heart.

The director was asking about my future plan in the next three years, for god's sake, i've never even wanted to think about it...anyways, i made my excuse...

so 

I'd laugh as much i feel like at the stupidity...

No End/Bez Konca

Bez Konca / No End

Film by Krzysztof Kieslowski

"And I don't even know how it happened

To change from wolf into mangy dog

Maybe my muzzle lost the wind's dark touch

My howling no longer scowled at the sky

A flicker of fear, not a boisterous flame

Stormed upon my back

Maybe no one needed to put this collar on me

And I myself crawled over

To beg fawning and dog like

Lord, who lovest even those who grovel

And can kindle pride in a worm's pale blood

Help open the throat of one mutely shouting

And tell me to walk free even though i'm weeping"

The film ended with this poem, read by the lawyer, with his calmly voice, to the wife who lost her husband.

A woman spend too much time thinking of death, sacrifice, and love, the weight her mind could carry is too much for her physical state, so she is dead.

A man spend too much time thinking of sacrifice, moral, and majority profit, he couldn't accept the argument condition brought by the lawyer, so he is dead.

This is two major keys run through the movie.

The movie started with soliloquize, " Four days ago, i am dead..." the husband dead and the wife left alone. Many little detail capture her endurance and torturing with the life: the glass slipping through her fingers, the dirt on her hand from bumper while she saw a car accident, the fingers twisting with stocking while talking with psychologist. 

Simple but painful.

When the old lawyer works on the law case, in the end, he was in a daze and talked to the younger lawyer, "Whom do we really defend? Against whom? Against what?"...

The movie was made during the gloomy period in Polish history in the 1980s, the politic background is inevitable, however, humanity and individual is certainly more important for the director, a beautiful, confused and grieving wife is an example of the whole. Life is a tragic process. If you decide to live...you must learn to endure. The lawyer spoke to the worker in the film, is also an expression of the director's self. 

wondering

This is how my friend spending her time thinking of the world hunger...

spring

becuase of colors.

dog face

dog face, dog life.

a boring comparison

This is a view from a friend's office, who sees great Empire States building everyday, blue blue sky...

and here is my view from my receiption...windy, snow..

The other day, i went to a friend's apartment, in 32 street and 6 avenue, the apartment is at top floor, coverred with all the window glass, here is one view from the living room (yeah, there is a huge living room). I imaging myself drinking red wine, standing by the window,looking at sunset, thinking about... well, nothing... what a romantic...
and here is the reality, the view from my balcony filled with dust, broken mirror pieces...

Why the pictures related to me is always dark, snow, and cloudy?

a day between

That was a peaceful period.

Cold wind coming from window, moisture, refreshing fragrance filled in the air. Then, cars coming and going, on 30th avenue, a Mexican's voice of talking. A new day has begun.

That period was strange, mixed with ambiguous, seems sudden and brief...

A cup of cold water with honey is my breakfast. Then, go to work, big green leaves, sway in the deadly blue sky, the vines are so clear through the sunlight. Sun, hit on my face, heavy and oppressive...

In the border between dark and dawn, i am sensitive and peaceful. Room is cold as ice cave, i wrap myself with blanket, one more layer.
I feel like a frozen fish in the fridge.
I can do things alone, writing, reading, put music on, with the smallest volume. How can i show my sweetest smile to a stranger with the bright sunlight, i don't know... I hear the breath from green plant. I think i will not bring anybody in this room, a place of my own, nobody sees...

That strange, unfamiliar feeling surrounds me, all the time. I am a passenger, passing on here. I accept my identity, to any city, to anyone...

play dead?

darling, it is my fantasy, 

saying that i'm still alive...

Top 5 question at the receiption desk

5. Can you tell me more about this artist?
4. How much is that painting?
3. Can I take picture?
2. This is my portfolio, how can i have show in your gallery?

and #1: (of course)
WHERE IS THE BATHROOM?

Fish...

Sit on the chair,
looking at the sun slowly surviving from the east
this city is fainting away
a leaf lying there, taking over me
observing the changes

Wildly dancing, greedily talking
following this cold surrouding, my happy thoughts
what left over, what follows me
let this rain, erode his predition of my urgency, my argument

If this is a bravely embrace, without price
don't let me fly, but softly surrounds me
if this is a decaying place
forgive my flying, my souvenir for you
is the sun